Reflections on My Past

I first saw this cathedral 4 years ago as a student and was completely captivated by it. It was almost completely destroyed by bombs during World War II, but a few walls and remains mark the site. After the war, a new cathedral was built right next to the site of the old one. The front of this cathedral is made of glass and etched with figures of angels. It means that if you stand with your back to the old cathedral you can see in the glass the debris and also look in at the future, it seems.This cathedral – both the old and new – makes me think of trials in my past that have shaped my life today. I’m not yet the kind of person that can be honestly grateful for any trials I have had to endure, but I think I’m at a place where I can be grateful for the lessons I’ve learned. And I’ll never forget what I’ve been through, and how difficult it was, which is just as well, because to forget would be to disregard these important lessons. It would be like looking into the glass of the new cathedral and ignoring the painful yet important reminders of the past behind me. They are a part of me, and shouldn’t be ignored.
What have I learned? My panic attacks and depression have taught me empathy and compassion. They have also taught me perseverance. My father’s death taught me of the love of the Lord. It gave me a glimpse into eternal perspective – what I do today has consequences throughout eternity, and can bring me closer or further from my darling Dad. Moving to a new country has taught me that even without my family and friends, I have my faith and I have the gospel. It has strengthened my testimony. Our struggle to have a child has taught me patience and strengthened my faith. It has given me a greater appreciation of the temple, of the priesthood and priesthood blessings, and a greater testimony that God has a plan for all His children.

It would be horrible to think that anything I have been through has been for no reason, or that I have ever suffered needlessly because of things that were out of my control. Parts of my past are a bit war-torn, a bit rough and scruffy and ugly, but like this beautiful cathedral, I think my future looks bright and beautiful, and the lessons of my past make it shine even brighter.