Regrets

President Uchtdorf’s recent General Conference talk on regrets brought to mind the memory of a dear cousin that committed suicide several years ago. We lived next door to each other growing up. We played dolls, had ice cream parties in the back yard, read the same books, and had sleep-overs. As we grew up, our lives went different directions. I went off to college and she moved to a large city to study music. We saw each other once-in-a-while, but we were both involved with our own lives. I had a large family to care for and was busy with church. She had lost touch with the church so she didn’t have a lot of friends. She moved from job to job, not really finding what she wanted to do.

Several years ago, she returned back home to live with her mother and work at a call center because that was the only job she could find. We visited, but it wasn’t the same. I tried to connect with her, but the spark of friendship that had been there for us children was gone. Several months later she was dead.

I deeply regret that I didn’t spend more time with her. Maybe I could have made a difference in her life. Could we have rekindles that bond of happiness we felt as children? I don’t know. I’m sad I didn’t put for the effort to at least try.

I have felt guilty and angry with myself like Elder Uchtdorf talked about in his address. But that hasn’t changed things. I finally came to realize that Heavenly Father didn’t want me to grieve in those ways. I choose to remember the happy times my cousin and I had together, and I like to think about the reunion we will have when we are both on the other side.

I have done her temple work and sealed her to her parents. That gives me hope that we will be together for the eternities and our friendship will continue—with happy times to come.

This scripture gives me comfort and hope. “When the Savior shall appear we shall see him as he is. We shall see that he is a man like ourselves. And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy. (D&C 130:1 – 2)

I look around me now and try to make sure I don’t allow my relationships to slip away like that again.

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