It seems like, these days, self-esteem is a buzzword. While I don’t want to becry the idea of self-esteem, I’ve been thinking about it lately. Growing up, I remember that I first learned about the concept of self-esteem through an object lesson. My teacher had a balloon. She told us that we were the balloons. She showed that when we say kind things to one another it is like our balloon is being inflated. Then, if someone says something that is mean or unkind, it is like that balloon is quickly deflated.
I think that, generally, the lesson was apt. However, lately, I’ve been noticing a problem with the concept – self-esteem seems to center around how we percieve others’ actions towards us. We cannot force others to inflate or deflate us – they have their agency. Things happen. Unkind words are said (by people who have NOT read moxie molly’s posts!) and, even worse, unkind deeds are committed.
A few years ago, I found myself going through a divorce. The marriage and conditions of the divorce were very hard to bear, and I was left with little self-esteem, yet I had to move forward – somehow confident that I could navigate this challenge. This seemed impossible. I had been badly hurt and betrayed. It was hard to see my own potential, but I had to simply trust the Lord.
Fortunately, I had too many pressing needs that trumped my feelings of inadequacy. I simply had to move on. I was in a situation where I needed to take care of my little family. In doing so, I went to the Lord. I felt assured that He had prepared me for this moment in life, and that He would guide me. The thing I needed to do was to be confident that He knew my situation, He knew what I needed, and that he would continue to put challenges and blessings in my path so I could reach my desired location (back at home, married to a good man, able to be a mom).
My confidence in the Lord grew, but I wasn’t sure that I was able to rise up to the challenge I faced. However, the Lord blessed me with many small victories – all of which added to my confidence. I will share one such occasion.
One evening, I was coming home from a run. At the time, I lived in Suburbs of Philadelphia- well – out in the country. I was living in this tiny white house, which I think was once a spring-house. It was in the middle of the woods and there was a meadow in the lot next to my house. It was really quaint. I remember, walking up the driveway and thinking, “Wow…I’m doing this. This is my house. My husband isn’t paying for it. My mom isn’t paying for it. My dad isn’t paying for it. It is mine.” I uttered a prayer of gratitude as I realized that the Lord was teaching me something – not only did I need to be confident in Him, but I needed to be confident in my own abilities. I needed to see myself the way that He saw me. This isn’t to be confused with pride. As my confidence in myself has grown, I’ve also been acutely aware of my weakness before the Lord; however, I know that He trusts me to do what I can, and that I can trust Him to make up the difference.
I think back to the self-esteem object lesson. The difference between self-esteem and confidence is that Confidence comes when we allow The Lord to fill our balloons. Conversely, we can also allow our balloon to leak. However, ultimately, it is our choice to have our “balloons” filled. When we choose to have confidence in the Lord and in ourselves, the things that others do and say may hurt us but will not destroy us. Paul teaches, “Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise.” (Hebrews 10:35-36). We must choose to be confident in the offering we are giving – just as confident as we are that the Lord will bless us for our diligence.
I think that it is this confidence that enabled Nephi to bravely build a boat – He was confident in both the Lord’s and His own ability to accomplish the command. This confidence is what helped Ammon have the courage to walk into enemy-Lamanite territory, serve, and eventually teach the Lamanites. The confidence that the Savior had in his own desire/ability and his confidence in His Father’s will is what enabled him to complete the incredible, difficult act of the atonement.
I’d like to know – how has the Lord blessed you with confidence? How have you been able to nurture your confidence in yourself and in the Lord? How has this propelled you forward so that you were able to receive the blessings the Lord had in store for you?
Beautiful post. We should listen to the Lord as our confidence builder, not other humans who are flawed just like us.
I think that mine have all come through blessings. When my husband got deployed and I realized that I had to be a single mom while he was gone. It was the extra strength I received as blessings from the Lord that made me realize that I could do it. It was the lesson that thru Him all things are possible, that has helped me to become a better person and allowed me to look at all my challenges differently.
*hugs*
I love this post! Thank you so much!
Lately I’ve been having my own confidence built as I’ve struggled to take control of my life back – back from the fear that was keeping me from doing the things I wanted to do. I’ve had the confidence to do things I know the Lord wants me to do, and knowing that He’s on my side has helped enormously.
Thanks. I do think that it is difficult to go forward in life’s trials. I often get paralyzed by fear – which is the opposite of Faith!
I agree – it helps to see the way the Lord blesses us, to receive priesthood blessings, and to read our patriarchal blessings – and remember to see ourselves the way the Lord sees us.