Sunshine In My Soul

I woke up this morning to another grey, dreary, drizzly day. It’s been like this now for over a week…cold front after warm front after cold front, but no sunshine. Inches of rain, then a nice breeze, but no sunshine. It’s starting to wear on me.Coming from Alaska, sunlight is something not to be taken for granted. Many people in the northern regions of the world (including my mother and brother) suffer from the lack of sunshine, a condition called Seasonal Affected Disorder. I have been lucky to not be too bothered by lack of rays. That is, until now.

Now I hunger for it. Now I want to be outside, basking in the magical low fall sunshine. I want to walk in the wind with browning leaves whipping around me. I want to take my son outside, so he can enjoy the golden sunshine in this, my favorite time of year. The lack of sun is eating at my soul—I am lethargic, emotional, dragging.

In cursing the lack of decent weather, it occurred to me that the lack of sunshine in my life is not just physical. I am not just feeling this way because of meteorological conditions.

How long has it been since I let the sunshine of the Spirit into my life? As I’ve said before, in learning who I am again since my son got sick I have oftentimes neglected the spiritual in favor of all the millions of things I need to do daily. In not taking the time to bask in spirituality, I am surely condemning myself to a grey and rainy life, one that won’t truly be better even when the physical sunshine comes back. Looking back at it now, perhaps that’s the cause of all of my problems the last few years…

So today I will get some sunshine, even if the only sun I find will be in the words of scripture or on my knees in prayer.

And maybe, if I’m reaaaaaally lucky, the real sun will come out.